Choosing to be happy: an Adler psychology theory

To envy someone, to want to be someone else, feeling like you will finally be happy once you become them. We all have those kinds of feelings at least once in our lifetime. Humans are born unequal, a public secret that our society keeps. Whether it is wealth, beauty, height, or even intelligence. Not one of us is the same as others since birth. But how come those factors are what we, as a society, decided to view as factors of happiness?

“You can choose to be happy or unhappy” is what an esteemed psychologist named Alfred Adler once said. This is a bold claim for most of us who spent most of our lives in search of happiness. But who would ever choose to be unhappy? According to Adler, most people choose unhappiness, unconsciously or consciously. People choose to be unhappy for numerous reasons since it serves a purpose for them. Some people choose it to survive a violent environment and some choose it to avoid the fear and anxiety of a happy, free life.

However, one question remains. How does one choose to be happy? Choosing to be happy is not a one-day process in which one declares to themselves that they choose to be happy. As Adler describes it, if one is able to freely choose whichever path they want to take and have the courage to take it, that is what happiness is. It is certainly a lengthy task and a hard one at that since as humans we usually put other’s opinions above ourselves.

Some might mistake it as making enemies as one cannot freely do whatever they want in this world. However, being disliked by someone and not being bothered by it, is what happiness is. It is proof that you are living according to your own principles and living in freedom. It is impossible to be liked and please everyone. This proves another point on why you should live according to your own principle and prioritize your well-being first since you are the only person who will be by your side until your death comes.

To put it simply, one can always choose to be happy or unhappy. It is only a matter of courage that separates the two. The courage to be disliked is the determining factor of one’s happiness since you need to prioritize your well-being to truly become happy.

References:

Hunt, J. (2022, August 6). Happiness is A Choice— According To The Most Influential Psychotherapist You’ve Never Heard of. Medium. https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/the-forgotten-philosophy-of-change-from-the-most-influential-psychotherapist-youve-never-heard-of-1a5cbf83ea8d

Koga, F., & Kishimi, I. (2021). Berani Tidak Disukai. Gramedia.